Youtube’s AI screening. The KOSA and SCREEN (aka the internet safety bills in Congress) bullshit. Gaza starvation, worse than ever. ICE adds a random person into their group chat. Off the top of my head, those are the headlines I can name from the past 7ish days, upon writing this. You could name three different atrocities. The guy next to us could name three more. Between us, we’re the Captain Planet of eyefucked trauma we didn’t ask for, have almost no control over, and that will inevitably pull us that much closer to an abyss I keep wishing will just take me already. But it never will. Making money off a corpse isn’t as lucrative as edging me with oblivion.
Here’s the relief I felt this week; maybe you can take something from it.
Music: I discovered radio.garden and this week I listened to a Polish house music station for 4 hours, two days straight. It got me through two blocks of intense work. House/EDM/trap is the closest I can get to doing real uppers with my addictive personality. Highly recommend this site as youtube has decided to shit the bed.
Human Connection/Accountability: M came over for a work day. B came over for a work day. Lo came over for a chill day (I was working; she was reading and Artist’s Way-ing). I did not spend too much time alone. I got quality time with friends. But also, I got shit done. I knew I wouldn’t be able to wallow if I had friends in my space. I was pulling moves against my own ennui, and you know what, it worked.
Hyperfixation: When Lo was over, she read the first Murderbot novella because I’d bullied her to; I now have someone to send memes. Then, on me and Patrick’s 10th anniversary Thursday (the anniversary I acknowledge; the one he acknowledges is in October — obviously we split hairs about this, have you met us?), Patrick and I marathoned the entirety of Murderbot s1. Now he and I have common language about that. Also, my copy of the Fugitive Telemetry audiobook came up at the library, and I’ve been falling asleep to that every night.
These are my forever top 3 of reliefs. What are your top 3? Can you name them? Do you have tools to pull them into your space? Do you have good inroads for new ways to engage? How do you recognize when it’s tipped into bad crutch instead of good coping, and you have to re-balance?
As a final little bit of relief for myself, I’d like to really stick it to Patrick (who reads this) and embed our wedding ceremony entrance song.
The first bit is when everyone was walking down the aisle. The second bit was when my sister and I danced down. I edited this together during the dress rehearsal, after multiple timed runs, to run until we had the timing exactly right. This, to me, is the ultimate relief bomb: it takes me back to the best party, the best people, definitely in the top 20 nights of my life. (I mean, he always knew he had stiff competition.)
I hope you can embed relief into your life this week. Let me know in the comments what that relief’s looking like right now, especially if it’s music or hyperfixation; I’m always on the prowl.
this is precious, thank you for sharing. i was playing the song out loud and my partner, from across the room, turned around in his chair and said 'star man?!' so. you have another fan. i was mulling over my reliefs, and i think mine are mostly the same! though i think i rely more on touching grass -- a long walk outside almost always helps me get my head on straight.
audio editing at your own wedding dress rehearsal is so unabashedly ren coded. I love you and your joy